|Kristopher will pander for food.|
"1) I am everything you want me to be, and more! 2) I love what you love. 3) Hate love? Me too! 4) Wanna have a beer? 5) I'm the guy you want to have it with."
|Elissa will rock out for food.|
"I have several years of ass-kicking experience rocking out with bands and skipping cd-players. Shameless headbanging and naughty manipulation of a microphone stand included in this action-packed performance."
|Jack will spy for food.|
"As a multi-national mystery man, professional male model, and NASCAR driver, I will perform sundry espionage tasks . . . for the right (extremely high) price!"
|Jean will lactate the milk of human kindness for food.|
"I'm sleek, chic, and user-friendly. I have the speed of a hamster and the strength of ten men and a boy. Trivia: Name a word with 9 letters but only one vowel (there's a hint above)."
|Lauren will butter yo' bread for food.|
"Cousin of Liz, maker of sculpture, and 5 feet, 11 inches of multi-faceted, booze and metal enthusiast at your service. Will forge you a knife, mix you a drink, change your oil, and do a little dance . . . for food."
|Matt will ponder for food.|
"1) I am a deep thinker. For a fair price and a bag of BBQ potato chips, I will sit on your futon and consider the great questions of our age, while I watch DVDs. 2) There is no No. 2. Wait, actually, there is now! See what I mean?"
|Rich will shoot for food.|
"I am a sexy monster. I will use my monster sexiness to help the economy. You may not use any likeness of my image without written consent from the commissioner of Major League Baseball. Void where prohibited. My camera appears courtesy of Sony. James Bond will return in I Have VD. Xerox your life because if you lose one, you'll always have a copy."
|Rishi will pontificate for food.|
"1) I'm full of hot air. 2) I can expound on any subject and convince you I sound authoritative. 3) Need to beat your friends at Jeopardy? Call me! 4) If no information is needed, my hot air can be directed into your HVAC system; hey, it beats oil prices!"
|Shannon will edit film for food.|
"Will edit films of all types - no problem with porn! Also will 1) proofread 2) walk dogs 3) crochet blankets 4) play Grand Theft Auto (any video game, really . . .)"
|Steve will massage you for food.|
"Over 2 whole months training. Sorry fellas, NO HAPPY ENDINGS!"