Wednesday, June 13, 2012

I Drank Beer So You Don't Have to

The Lizzes take on the Beer Festival!
 A couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure of roaming around the American Craft Beer Festival in South Boston, sampling way too much and then writing increasingly incoherent capsule reviews of each one. I skipped the beers I had sampled two years earlier this time around, but here for your enjoyment and edification I give you: The Bashionista's Adventures in Beer! where I will combine the highlights of the past two years of my scholarly research.

Allagash Brewing Co. (ME)

Allagash Blonde (6.86%): Smooth and sophisticated, effervescent. The party girl you idolize.
Allagash Curieux (Bourbon Barrel-Aged Triple 11%): OMG OMG OMG. This would annihilate me and I would love every minute of it. Maine's answer to Fin du Monde.
Allagash Victor (Belgian Strong Ale with grapes & wine yeast 9%): Aroma is misleading. An Allagash White playing dress-up in a winery.

Backlash Beer Co. (MA)

Groundswell (Belgian Strong Pale Ale 6.4%): Fun and uncomplicated.

Brewery Ommegang (NY)

Tripel Perfection (Tripel 8.9%): Great taste but the bubbles got in the way. The whole time I'm like, shut up, bubbles, I'm trying to read.

Cambridge Brewing Co. (MA)

Mass Appeal: Bright with a little tang. This beer is doing jumping jacks on my tongue. It's sporty. I'm not in love, but in like.

Cape Ann (MA)

Sunrise Saison (6.5): Like bubbly pez.
Wit: Refreshing, comforting. Good sturdy wheat beer. Aftertaste is slightly hoppy.

Haverhill Brewery (MA)

Beerstand (Berlinerweiss 3%): Bleahhhhh. SO SOUR IT HURTS. Hitler came from Germany for a reason.
Gose the Gozerian (Gose 4%): Woah. Salty delicious. I feel like I'm drinking a beer on the beach and making out with someone who's been sucking on limes.
Seventh Seal (Quad 10.1%): YUM! Bright, then velvety with a coffee finish.

High & Mighty Beer Co. (MA)

Fumata Habanera: It tastes like I'm licking a fire pit, says Liz Laneri, and I say yes, one that someone barbecued in 8 hours ago.
Pas de Dieux (Saison 5%): Tre French. Sophisticated and hoppy. A "fuck you" to my prole palette.
Two-Headed Beast (Belgian Chocolate Stout 4.5%): Shit yeah. Like being punched in the face by a chocolate square.

Jack's Abby Brewing (MA)

Leisure Time: Sunny, friendly, mellow. The loveable stoner of beers.

Kona Brewing Co. (HI)

Koko Brown (American Brown Ale 5.5%): Subtle coconut. I am in a hammock and my feet are tan. Just my feet. Paradise.

Lawson's Finest Liquids (VT)

Maple Triple: I write "Ok, I may be drunk, but I feel like this sweet beer is caressing my face. I think I need a moment." At this point my handwriting is almost completely unintelligible and I recall shouting "3 more beers and I will motorboat someone's pretzel necklace!"

New Century Brewing Co. (MA)

Edison Light (All Malt Pilsner 4%): Surprisingly good! Light beer with taste.
Moonshot (All Malt Pilsner with Caffeine 5%): Functional. Ok but not delicious. The Jolt of beers.

OPA-OPA Steakhouse & Brewery (MA)

Red Rock Amber Ale: Meh. Ok, but watery. An honor student with no personality.
Opa Opa Watermelon Ale: Like a jolly rancher sucker punched you and tried to steal your wallet. Sweet, then tart, leaving you perplexed and vulnerable.

The People's Pint (MA)

Barrel-Aged Imperial Stout (10.5%):Velvety sweet, just the right amount of body.

Portico Brewing*
*Ok, I can't actually find this brewery listed on the website. Did I dream this?
Chocolate Thunder Porter: YOU BASTARDS BURNED MY CHOCOLATE. Oh God, ash in my mouth. Nuclearwinterchocolatebar.

Pretty Things Beer & Ale Project (MA)

Baby Tree (Quadrupel 9%): Really tasty, sweet Belgian. (Incidentally, I have ordered at least three of these in the past three weeks. It is becoming my go-to beer of late spring!)

Prodigal Brewing Co. (NH)

Effinghamburgherbrau (Munich Golden Lager 5.1%): Tart middle note that I found a little disturbing. It was like a mid-sip wet willy.

Rapscallion (MA)

Rapscallion Honey (Extra Pale Ale 4.5%): I was hoping the honey would come to the rescue, but it was soundly trounced by the hops.
Rapscallion Lager (American Pale Lager 4.5%): Ooh, new favorite lager! It has an almost nutty aftertaste.

Rogue Ales (OR)

Double Dead Guy Ale (American Strong Ale 9%): Naaaaasty. Weird vegetable aftertaste.

Samuel Adams (MA)

Verloren (Gose 6%): Oh man. This is a really nice beer. This gose will hold the door open and ask if it can kiss you goodnight. Compare to the Haverhill gose (above), which makes you want to rip your top off.

Shipyard Brewing Co. (ME)

Sea Dog Blue Paw Wheat Ale (Blueberry Wheat Ale): Shipyard knows what the fuck they're doing with fruit! Not at all like an annoying houseguest! [This was following a discussion about Sam Adams Cherry Wheat, where I likened the cherries to a friend you're initially happy to see, but with every sip, you're like, oh, you're still here? until you begin to feel a rising panic at the thought that they may never leave.]
Sea Dog Blueberry (4.7%): Good LORD, how did they turn your favorite pie into a liquid??
Summer Ale (American Pale Ale): Summer is not their season, though.

Sixpoint (NY)

Righteous Ale (Rye 6.5%): Hella nasty.
Sweet Action (American Blonde/Cream Ale 5.5%): The smell is better than the taste, which is so faint it's like someone whispering down a long hall. Made me long for a Genny cream.

Stoudts Brewing Co. (PA)

Karnival Kolsch (4.8%): Bleahgh!
Heffer-in-Wheat (Hefeweizen 5%): Yum! Simple, refreshing.

Three Heads Brewing (NY)

Cobbs Hill: Bleh. Ashy coffee taste. The black coffee of lagers? Liz Laneri likes it and says it reminds her of high school.

21st Amendment Brewery (CA)

Hell or High Watermelon (Wheat Beer 4.9%): High hopes not met.

Uinta Brewing Co. (UT)

Cockeyed Cooper (Bourbon Barrel Barley Wine 11.1%): Ok. Prolly better warm.
Labyrinth (Oak-aged Black Ale 13.2%): Complex. Good, but I can't commit to a whole bottle.

Victory Brewing Co. (PA)

Braumeister Pils (German Pilsener 5.3%): Clean and refreshing. It does the job like a good boy scout.


  1. I love that you did this, and I will so refer back to this when buying new beers...

    1. Sweet! That is exactly the public service I was hoping to provide.

  2. I wanted so bad to like the Rochester beer...oh well.

    The Bashionista is so fun to go to a beer tasting with! Especially watching her try to write about what she's drinking.

    We're going every year, Liz!

  3. It does exist.

  4. Liz,

    Excellent! You've provided direction and motivation.
    Now all I need is a free weekend and a bottle opener.
    (and a few select cheeses)